The tension between gratitude and grief is a very real part of foster care and adoption.
It’s the season for gratitude, the time of year when we are constantly being reminded to be thankful. We all know that an “attitude of gratitude” has many powerful benefits. No one argues these benefits, things like; improving our health…physically, spiritually, and emotionally, strengthening our relationships, increasing productivity, and even improving our sleep, just to name a few.
Gratitude is something we have to practice, a choice we get to make, moment by moment. My husband, Kyle has practiced gratitude his entire life. Kyle was adopted when he was 6 weeks old and holds a tremendous amount of gratitude for the life he was given, but there was always an undercurrent of loss and confusion that left Kyle asking questions like,
“How do I have a sense of gratefulness, while possibly still allowing myself to wonder beyond what I’ve already been given?”
Children in foster care and who have been adopted, are processing tremendous loss, while at the same time, trying to establish a sense of safety and connection with their new caregivers, who are often times complete strangers.
As foster and adoptive parents, we must be mindful of the monumental loss and of the grieving process. We must first and foremost, remember while foster care and adoption can be a beautiful blessing, this blessing has come come at a heavy price. And the blessing, for us as parents, is often experienced immediately, but this is not likely to be the case for the child. It’s important to be aware that there are steps in grieving loss that cannot and should not be overlooked or invalidated. There is plenty of information available on coping with the grief of adoption.
For Kyle, music has been, and remains, a pathway for connecting his grief and gratitude.
“Songs are a very controlled way for me to connect with my emotions”
In this week’s episode, Kyle shares his story of reconnection with his birth family and how that reunification forever changed the way he sees himself. Kyle metaphorically describes the beauty birthed from pain and struggle in his song, The Pearl.
Audio only
DEEPER DOWN THE WELL
Music therapist, Arvis Jones reminds us that music is a right-brained activity and that listening, playing, dancing and singing all engage the mind’s emotional sphere. Check out When Words Fail, Grieving Children can Find an Outlet in Music.
As a parent of an adopted grown daughter, I can honestly say I learned valuable insight from listening to Kyle share his thoughts and feelings while growing up as an adopted child! MamasWell brings such useful information in a way that makes you feel like you’re sitting next to them sharing a cup of coffee:)
Grief and gratitude!!! You are right— such a tension here yet vital that we have the opportunity to express that tension. Love you guys!
Thank you Natul!❤️
Thank you Nina…you have done an amazing job with your beautiful daughters…
Being your Big Sister-I ALWAYS wanted you and STILL DO!!
You are the only one left from my Biological family!
You mean so much to me! You are definitely a gift!
I would love to hear the song!!
WOW! I love you both!
Kyle is blessed to have you as his big sister, what an incredible story. When are you coming to Houston? Love to get you and him together on an episode.
I loved listening to this!! I knew Kyle when he lived in our neighborhood in Cedar Hill and is my oldest daughter’s age! We were reconnected in Austin and again in Luckenbach a few years ago. I have dear friends who have written a book on their open adoptions and will share this with them too!
Thank you for sharing Andrea! Kyle said your daughter works with kiddos in care?
Lovely podcast….he’s a winner❤️
Susan Packwood