Somewhere between loyalty to their adoptive parents and a natural longing to understand their birth story you’ll find an adoptee with questions. Granted, it’s an awkward situation for everyone involved, but as Sherrie Eldridge explains in her book 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adopted Parents Knew we are “journey mates” to our adopted children.

Very few people have not in some way been impacted by addiction. One study I read said that over 50% of Americans reported substance abuse in their families. Addiction is a scary thing, and if it’s touched your life personally, you know what I mean. As an adult child of an addict, I am well aware of the scars it leaves behind on children.

Parenting “can”and, I’m really wanting to use the verb, “will” create strain on our marriages. If you’ve been parenting longer than a weekend, you are clear on that, I’m sure. When you add in parenting a child with significant needs from early childhood abuse, neglect, trauma, or any adversity, you will most likely find yourself and your relationship feeling exposed, and fragile.

Parenting at times can leave me feeling inadequate, powerless and afraid. My response to these fearful feelings? Control of course! Control the situation, the behavior, and my child. Whatever I perceive to be causing my immediate discomfort I want to shut it up and shut it down.

Have you ever heard the saying “a mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child”? What do you think about that? Hummm, for those of us with several children, the odds are not in our favor. When people we love struggle, it hurts. When our children struggle, it can feel excruciating.

Kyle and I will celebrate 29 years of marriage this June. We met on an old school bus on the way to what what Aggies call Fish Camp in 1990. Fish Camp is a summer camp intended to teach incoming freshmen the traditions of Texas A&M, as well as provide an opportunity to make some new friends before school starts.

Parenting can often leave me feeling discouraged, inadequate and frustrated.  As I sat with a group of other mamas this past week I realized again, that I am not alone in those feelings. We all expressed feeling disappointment at times in our ability to respond in the ways we envisioned we would when we begin our mothering journeys.

The enneagram is an ancient method for identifying traits and tendencies that can be vital to understanding ourselves and the way we interact with the world. The time tested system can be extremely helpful in making sense of our current parenting styles and providing insight that expedites the opportunity for meaningful change.

What if the New Year could bring us new understanding of ourselves that would have a profound effect on our relationships and parenting????? This week we join Enneagram Coach and the Founder of Soulwell – Kelly Burnett to discuss the enneagram and how it can bring new revelations to our new year!

Dig in to the stories of foster / adoptive families and you’re likely to find a multitude of similarities, including the motivation for choosing the journey. Growing a family, responding to a known need, feeling a faith based tug, are just a few of the instigators that put parents on this wonderful twisting path.