Parenting can often leave me feeling discouraged, inadequate and frustrated.  As I sat with a group of other mamas this past week I realized again, that I am not alone in those feelings. We all expressed feeling disappointment at times in our ability to respond in the ways we envisioned we would when we begin our mothering journeys.  Raising children is not for the “faint of heart” and raising children who have experienced developmental trauma will call us to dig deep within our selves, excavating things we may sometimes wish could just be left alone…(Reminds me of an old Randy Travis song… “Diggin’ up Bones, exhuming things that’s better left alone…” But the truth is that to parent “well” some “diggin’” is required and while the process can at times get painful, it has very real and powerful results.

“When we become a parent, we bring with us issues from our own past that influence the way parent our children. Experiences that are not fully processed may create unresolved and leftover issues that influence how we react to our children. These issues can easily get triggered in the parent-child relationship. When this happens our responses toward our children often take the form of strong emotional reactions, impulsive behaviors, distortions in our perceptions, or sensations in our bodies. These intense states of mind impair our ability to think clearly and remain flexible and affect our interactions and relationships with our children. At these times, we’re not acting like the parent we want to be and we are often left wondering why this role of parenting sometimes seems to ‘bring out the worst in us’. Issues that are rooted in our past impact our present reality and directly affect the way we experience and interact with our children even when we are not aware of their origins.” -Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Mary Hartzell  Parenting from the Inside Out…

Digging up Bones is necessary if we want to lead a child to healing, we must know the path ourselves” according to Dr Karyn Purvis.

Thinking of parenting in this light has been a paradigm shift for me that is taken many years and will continue on, I believe, a lifetime. It’s required a new set of tools and a compassionate supportive community. Family and friends that have learned  the art of holding space and “being with” me as I have processed difficult and painful emotions. This supportive community has also included professional therapists, coaches, counselors and pastors from time to time.

On this week’s episode I share some of the bones that I’ve dug up on my parenting journey and the beautiful gifts that each and everyone of them have given me.  As always I’d love to hear your thoughts and I hope you are able to feel my love and support wherever you are!