How do we, as foster and adoptive parents, help our children heal from the pain of loss, abandonment, and the constant messages of shame and unworthiness? What can we do to move them from chronic fear to a place of safety and love?
As an adoptive parent, I ask myself this question time and time again…The reality of the situation can be overwhelming… And I often feel ill-equipped to help my daughters when they’re stuck in that place of fear… Fear is nobody’s friend and it makes us think and do crazy things… It causes us to hide, isolate, reject, punish, and shame… And fear breeds fear…
Someone who knows this all too well is my friend Krystal Vento. Krystal entered into foster care when she was three years old, along with her two older brothers. She spent two years in and out of multiple foster homes and group homes, then at five years old she and her middle brother were adopted by their foster parents. Unfortunately, they were permanently separated from their oldest brother.
Krystal recalls vivid memories of lying in her bed at night after she was adopted, wondering when her adoptive parents would turn on them and make them leave, and wondering where she and her brother would go?
“I’m not worthy of love. All the experiences I’d had told me, I don’t deserve to be loved” she says.
Thankfully Krystal’s story doesn’t leave her stuck in those destructive thought patterns… She’s found meaning in her loss and now shares how we, as foster and adoptive parents, can support the healing of the children we love.
One of my favorite Krystal quotes – “We don’t get to write the stories, but we get to choose what will be done with them”
This is an episode you do not want to miss… If you are a foster parent, an adoptive parent, an adoptee, or love someone who is any of those things, please grab a cup of coffee, find a cozy spot and spend some time with Krystal and I, as she shares a story of loss that has lead her to love.
DEEPER DOWN THE WELL
Krystal shares more of her heart at Adopted and Redeemed